What A Journey It Has Been

And I Live One More Day

Pelangi Tanjung Balau

Mostly What I Need From You...

My Life Begins...Today?

Klebang Beach Resort

I Want It To Be You

I'm Being Resistant?

“Why are you being resistant?”

Aku bingung seketika.

“You don’t know how to appreciate people when they are trying to help you.”

Tidak susah untuk  mengetahui dari mana datangnya andaian itu. Mudahnya mereka menghukum. Perlukah aku ungkit cerita yang melukakan itu?  Cerita yang isinya adalah air mata yang aku simpan dan kulitnya aku lukiskan senyuman. Cerita yang menjadi punca aku berjauh hati dalam diam.

Mungkin dia terlupa untuk beralas semasa mengatur kata. Mungkin dia sekadar terlepas bicara dan tiada niat pun untuk melukakan hati ini. Namun apakan daya, kerana kata-kata itu aku meminta diri lebih awal dan menangis sepanjang perjalanan pulang.

Katakanlah apa-apa saja yang kalian mahu. Aku menjauh kerana tidak mahu terus terluka. 

Pre-treatment and Post-treatment

Many people knew I undergo treatments. Never ending treatments I can say. Just that they didn’t know what I actually undergo. It’s not really about what goes into my body but it’s more about having the strength to go through. When I first went through it, it was really hard. Being alone made me suffered and it was really pain inside me. I cried all the way. But now, I already used to it. When I had something on after the treatment I would ask for a small dose so I can control the ‘effects’. If not I will just bear with them – down with fever, dizzy and vomiting. Since it was never easy to get help and support so I make sure I have everything ready at home. People have their own life and not many (read: nobody) willing to come and lend me a hand. It was always my bad asking for help from a wrong person at the wrong time. At times I really need someone to comfort me when I’m feeling weak. But many of my so called friends ignored me when I told them I’m going through treatment. So what? To them maybe it’s my routine and nothing they can say or do for me. I expect nothing from them, anyway. I choose to be there whenever they need me and I’m willing to give whatever they ask from me. I understand very well that I may get nothing in return even though deep from my heart I hope to hear from them, at least.

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