Days went when I felt so happy and content, and confident that my life would be OK, and then as quickly as the feeling came it would disappear and I would feel sadness setting in again. There were my happy days when I would walk around with a smile on my face. Then I would fall into days of deep dark depression. Then finally build up the strength to be positive and to snap out of it for another few days. But the tiniest and simplest thing would trigger off my tears again. It is a tiring process and most of the time I couldn’t bother battling with my mind. It is far stronger than my body.
I never seem truly happy. I can’t remember the last time I felt truly happy, when somebody or something caused me to laugh so hard my stomach pained me and my jaw ached. I miss going to bed at night with absolutely nothing on my mind. I miss enjoying eating food instead of it becoming something I had to endure in order to stay alive. I miss enjoying reading my favorite books instead of it being something I would stare blankly at to pass the hours. I hate feeling that I had no reason to wake up and I hate the feeling I had when I wake up. I hate the feeling of having no excitement to look forward to. I miss the feeling of being loved, being cared and being supported. I miss so many people and so many things.
I know life will never be the same again. I’m doing what I want but I just seem to be passing time and no life in it. I'm existing not living. I feel so tired. I feel like I’m loosing my strength & I’m all alone on the wrong path.
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